Comments on: Self Image and Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis

By: Alicia Hoover

Alicia Hoover — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 18:07:42 +0000

God, I so know what you mean! I used to be “the go-to girl” Any problem big or small bring it to Alicia, she could solve them all! Paint your house, Carry heavy furniture, need a stove, i could find it. Family in need? No Christmas presents, thats fine, I’d just organize a drive anonomously and presents would magically appear on the porch Christmas eve. I was positivity personified! There was no mountain to big, no problem that could beat me. My husband was awed by my spirit. He always said that I lifted him up that he never believed in himself until I came into his life. I always tried to do the same thing with everyone that was around me. I WAS THE TOUGH GIRL. I didn’t need a man to help me do anything! I was self sufficiant! I never asked anyone for help! I could come up with marketing plans, package 200 packages, purchase everything my company needed, play counselor to my employees, keep my owner happy and fed, keep 46,000 customers happy all in an 8 hour day, then come home, figure out dinner, keep my autistic son happy, give my 14year old relationship advice,give hubby work advice, keep the family functioning,… AHHH those were the days. I used to be superwoman. On the same token, I am stubborn, fiercely protective of those I love, but not so protective of myself. AFTER BEING DIAGNOSED WITH RA- I feel like a shadow moving through the world… not quite seen. After leaving my job- (it grew quite hostile when I couldn’t do all of the things as before because of the RA pain and restrictions- I was told by the same people that i killed myself for and sacrificed for and helped that I wasn’t “pulling my weight”-) I struggle daily with my purpouse in this life. My children are in school. During the day since housework is quite difficult and fatigue is constant, I do little bits. I hide my depression and much of my sadness from my husband and children because I do not want to bring them down where I am. I know that I am not as bad off as others, but it still feels so unfair. I am 33 damn years old. I thought I had finally “found” my niche as far as a career! I never went to college, so I am very limited as far as what I can do for work! I do not want to sit around. I need to help my family…. contribute in some way but I’ll be damned if I can think of anything! I try to pull myself up, I encourage others… this helps… but Its hard to take your own medicine! I know I’m intelligent, I’m self educated, I read like a maniac, but the pain management doc will not allow me to take my ADD meds now, so I can’t even be focused! What job can I get when I can’t stay focused! NONE I know i’m not supposed to let my job define me… but what do I use to define me if not my job!? I feel like a blank canvas… SUCKS. Most of the time, I’m not even motivated to do my hair/makeup. Why bother? the minute I shower it seems to trigger my hot flashes! So I blow dry my hair apply the make-up and whammo bucket over head. I’m losing weight, but have been threatened by my rheummy that if it keeps happening that she will do a cancer scan. Whats that! Its sounds scary? She ran away after she said it. So I started eating crap.. chocolate, ice cream….still losing weight. cant’ win I see her next week. Not looking forward to it as I’ve lost weight, the drugs have not worked which means more scary drugs, and shes not a nice lady. YAY

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By: E.B.

E.B. — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 14:11:45 +0000

Wow! So often you speak about what I feel. You are good at expressing “our” feelings.

I am the mother of two wonderful children, six and nine year old. My older child remembers playing at the park, daily walks, running, hide-and-seek and evenings cuddling with books or afternoons playing on the floor. My pregnancy with my youngest put me in the hospital for five months with my nerve-damaged-back putting me in constant labor. My youngest rarely has seen me sit on the floor (because I can’t get back up); he thought it odd that I actually ran about five feet the other day to catch him from falling; he often replies to not wanting to tidy up with “my back/hands/neck hurt like your’s so I can’t”. The only “physical” thing we do is that when he wants loving after a rough day at school, he’ll run to me and I’ll catch him up and spin. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that much longer but am loving it while I still can. I have lots of regrets about not sharing my life evenly between them or about the loss they each have experienced because of MY RA, but am grateful for the special relationship I have fostered with each and strive to make things as great, or at least as normal, as they can be. Having the constant pain isn’t so much the scary part as realizing that I am now aware that I am a single parent of two children under ten, and living with RA.

By: Pamela Montgomery

Pamela Montgomery — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 04:12:54 +0000

Jean Gray is my alter ego!

By: Kelly Young

Kelly Young — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:39:19 +0000

Jennifer, thank you for wisdom from experience. Nodding inside!(My neck doesn’t dare :razzmad: )

By: tharr

tharr — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:38:06 +0000

Hey Kelly, just took the superhero test and it said (not kidding) that I’m most like Ghost Rider. lol Thought you might get a kick out of that as much as I did.

Talk to you later.

By: Kelly Young

Kelly Young — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:36:36 +0000

Yay moms! :clap:

By: Kelly Young

Kelly Young — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:32:32 +0000

Yes! I had an extra chance for this today when my girl’s SAT scores came back – I am so excited for her. And my Boy Scouts… and my Roo reading his books… :dance:

By: wayway

wayway — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 00:19:35 +0000

i got tears in my eyes when i started reading this. I was diagnosed in august with ra. the road has been treacherous!! had to quit work because i could no longer work, pickup anything, ect. DR’s treated me as a drug seeker because i was so desperate for pain relief. i HAD TO MOVE IN WITH MY MOTHER AND LET MY 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER GO LIVE WITH HER DAD. i wanted her to have as normal life as possible. she took care of me until i got the help i needed. No one who hasnt experienced it understands. ive accepted that. I am so happy that I found this group!!!

By: jenniferkimbrough

jenniferkimbrough — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 21:44:31 +0000

I’ve never been supermom either. My RA started when my first child was 5 months old. I never got down on the floor to play because I could not get back up. I couldn’t run or skate because of fear of falling. My children loved me anyway. They are older now and show no negative effects of having a mom who couldn’t play. They are, however, kind, compassionate and thoughtful to others. They were raised to help by opening doors, carrying things for me and helping with household chores. They are wonderful young adults who I am proud to say I am their mom.

RA is a horrible disease and it robbed me of fun adventures with my children. Thankfully they do not feel this way because they didn’t know the “me” before RA and they love me just as I am. I am truly blessed.