Warning: This post is for the faint of heart.
Tired of the stages of Rheumatoid Arthritis grieving
Yeah, I’m probably not supposed to say these things. Whatever…
Some of these RA changes are wearing thin. I never wanted to be branded by anything negative. I’m getting tired of feeling like I’ve lost credibility because of the chronic illness label. Does anyone else feel like this?
Tired. I’m tired of hurting all the time. Also, I’m tired of having to pretend I’m absolutely fine and physically able around folks who can’t handle the truth. It’s physically so difficult to do that – I have to avoid people most of the time. Tired of losing that social interaction, but it’s too difficult.
You know what else? I’m tired of not being believed. A pharmacist just told me, “At least you are not really sick. We have really sick people.” But, we need these expensive medicines to treat the disease. Employers don’t like to pay the health insurance premiums for an RA patient either. Did you ever have to defend how expensive you are?
I’m tired of so many things. I’m tired of the way it’s assumed this RA pain only bothers me when I mention it. If I’ve explained what it’s like, then why can’t I be believed? Stop telling me you know I’ll feel better tomorrow – it’s been four years of RA pain that only gets worse.
Remember the RA Help button last month? This time, I’m looking for the Eject button. Do you get the feeling there is no way out? Like Alice in Wonderland: Where’s the right door? What’s the right mushroom?
Stages of Rheumatoid Arthritis grief: enough already
Sometimes, we just feel like we can’t take it anymore. The other day, someone left a comment about wanting to go in the closet to lie down and die from too much pain and too little understanding. And no way out. There are many others – I could go on.
Maybe you’ve read this post on RA depression. There is some discussion of the normal stages of grief and how they relate to RA. Would you believe I just read an article about the anti-depressant Prozac (Celexa) being used to fight Rheumatoid Arthritis in an experiment on mice? Wouldn’t that be convenient?
My rheumatologist asked me if the medication “failures” depress me. I explained that I’m fine because I have had contact with others who live with RA and that has helped me. I know I am fine – I am just tired of being fine with RA. I’d rather be fine without RA.